“advice” for the first-time mom-to-be

I am going to my friend Kelly’s baby shower tomorrow.  I can’t believe she is already 32 weeks pregnant.  Time has passed so quickly.  I remember taking my weekly photos, just as she has.  Now that I have my baby, I am really glad I did.  When I had my baby shower, one of my really good friends threw me a “blessingway” as well. The major aspect of the blessingway is to have your closest girlfriends attend and one by one, approach you with a candle and say a few words for you and your baby, whatever they wish.  It’s kind of like a “goodbye” to your friends as you know them in that stage of your life.  Because after the baby, everything changes.  The escalating hormones were already making me feel sentimental, so that, combined with everything else, sent a river of tears down my face.

A year ago, when I was still pregnant, I could not imagine ever being able to give advice to anyone about raising a baby, because I really had no clue.  Today, after seven months of motherhood, this is what I can share:

1. Whenever you hear the word “advice”, replace the word with “experience”, because that is what people are really sharing with you.

2. Your baby is as individual as you are.

   Someone else’s experience may work with their baby, but it may not work with yours.  Don’t get frustrated.  Just accept that you may have to do things differently.

3. Listen to your gut first: GUT before GOOGLE

   You can read as much as you want, but no amount of planning will ever prepare you for what you are about to experience.

4. It’s OK to complain.

   Sometimes people try to share their experiences when you don’t feel like hearing them. Just ask them if they can kindly let you vent.

5. Find “Mom Friends”

   A therapist can only help you so much. Finding other moms whose babies are born within a few days and weeks as was a lifesaver. These are the people who will welcome your venting.

6. Don’t obsess over milestone dates

   Your baby will reach their milestones when they reach them. Just love them for who they are and what they can achieve at the moment. Because that is something you will want to keep in mind well and beyond infancy.

I know that if I ever do decide to try for baby #2, it will be a new set of challenges during different stages.  Each day poses a new challenge.  But I guess that’s what mommyhood is all about!